Our Weekend

Well, we took off Friday night and headed to our favorite sushi place at Mall of America and then to check into the hotel (The Hilton) and were greeted by a room that was terribly hot and then told that with the cold weather they had to shut down their coolers so it was around 80 degrees and very uncomfortable for sleeping.

We slept in for a bit Saturday morning and headed down for breakfast and then off to the Mall, the girls got their passes for Nickelodeon Park and we headed out to my favorite tea store Teavana and in passing we stopped at a jewelry shop to ask about a band for Bob's Rado watch.  His was a gift from his parents and while he loves it the rubber band was uncomfortable and too warm for all the work that does outside etc.  We were informed that there was no replacement so I swallowed hard and urged him to pick out a new watch and he got this.  The gift was for his 50th birthday and I really wanted him to have something that he was more comfortable with as far as the band.  I am so glad, he adores it.  Not that he didn't like the other one but the band made it hard to work and tended to pull on his arm hairs.  It was frustrating to hear that the band could not be replaced.  Anyway, he has what he truly loves and he tends to buy so few things for himself, this was truly something that made him smile.


We then met the girls at American Girl for lunch and had a wonderful time dining with their dolls.   Back to the park we went and waited while they enjoyed some more rides.  We were exhausted at this point and headed back to the hotel for some R&R before dinner.  We decided on Macaroni Grill and this is a place that holds special meaning for us as it was the first place that Bob and I shared dinner together, we always try to go to one when there is one in the town that we are visiting and this time it was a disappointment, the food was over an hour in getting to us and it was stone cold when it arrived :-(  They did give us the meal for free but we were saddened nonetheless and I suppose this is why so many have closed in recent years, it really is too bad.

After that, we came back and settled in (to a hot room) and then left Sunday morning due to an impending snow storm heading our way (we nixed IMAX).  I promptly decided I wasn't feeling good on the way home and by the time we got back I had the full body aches and landed in bed the rest of the day.  It just does not pay to go anywhere :-(

Full Breaths

As I have taken breaths the past 4 months they have shallow, filled with apprehension and stress.  My breaths the past few days have been filling and I can feel the hopeful days ahead.  Even as I meditate I am able to finally able to find center and let my brain go blank, it has been a canvas full of a myriad of colors, dark colors with little light, the light is now returning.

Friday, one more weekend and then it will be a cleaning like none other from top to bottom, washing away the splashes on walls, the food particles that are everywhere, stains from nail polish/juice/toothpaste on carpet, hand prints on windows and Heavens knows what else.  The house has been slowly destroyed over the past 4 months and it will be good to have my stuff back on tables, my precious belongings displayed where I like them, the girls rooms to be back in order and Emilie gets her play room back for her American Girl stuff and they need to no longer fear leaving something out.

I am really looking forward to this....

Have a wonderful weekend everyone and I start my countdown today, 4 more days.

Long Roads Long Views and Realizations

The past several days have been very hard and I had to make some pretty hard decisions to protect myself and my family.  I have made arrangements to have the g'kids placed elsewhere as we can no longer do this for many many reasons.

The Long Road - 4 months of trying to help and realizing that I can only do so much before I put my own well being at risk.

Long Views - Seeing that there is a way out and while hard it is one that has to be taken to protect my family and their well being.

Realizations - That I can only do so much and I can't fix the world and I can't fix a very troubled 4 year old.

I want to thank everyone that knows what we are dealing with and their words of wisdom and their shoulders of support.  There is light at the end of the tunnel and I can see hope.

We want to go...

Here:

We need a break from screaming kids, hurt Daughters, dysfunctional family members and making very hard calls to very important people regarding bad parenting from 1 parent that chooses to abandon her children.  Sigh, it does not need to be this hard..... 

I can take my laptop with me and still make charts, can we go?  Pretty please?

Dangerously Cold? Ya think!

It is officially -30 degrees and the news has coined several terms that definitely apply which range from "stupid cold", "dangerously cold" to "bone chilling cold".  It is just bitter out there and I am sitting here trying to figure out how to let horses out.  They have been warning that frost bite will ensue in less than 10 minutes on any exposed skin.  Chores take an hour so I guess I do it in small increments, the eyes are the hardest part in this.  The moisture literally freezes and you can't blink, sigh.....  Wish me luck.

Moonbeams and Sprites

As I was preparing the girls lunches for school today Harmony came racing in and said "Mom, you have to see this" and I followed her out to the sitting room where I was graced with one of the most beautiful moons I have ever seen.  It was rising above the horizon and surrounded by clouds and flanked by the skeleton of a tree that was damaged by the tornado.  I was utterly haunting and utterly beautiful.  I grabbed my camera and shot it the best I could, I got 4 pictures....

As we gathered the girls and g'kids they headed to the car for school (Bob drops off and I pick up) and I headed to office.  I sat down and answered a few emails and then decided to see if I got any viable shots of the moon.  I slipped in the card and pulled up Paint Shop and was rather amazed at what I saw.  What are those little zig zags toward the bottom?  Sprites, a camera issue?  I will leave it to you...

One is white and one is blue and they seem to be following each other, how odd.....  Here is an image of them closer and they almost appear to be flowers.

Changes and Questions

Sometimes I wonder why I try and help people when they don't listen to perfectly good advice and you just have to stand back and watch them make huge mistakes.

I know that I can't control mistakes people make but when it is family and they do it over and over and over again, can't they see the wall that they have hit?  Can't they see the pain that it causes themselves and others around them, can't they see the mistakes they make are in most cases so big that it is life changing for the negative.

I just don't get it...........

I want to help but I have realized that I can't help someone that does not want to help themselves.  I realize too that in this case the person can't think of consequences and they live in the moment which is very selfish and you know what that is it exactly (aha moment as I type this), selfishness.  They hurt their children, they hurt their spouse and they hurt their family all for the a moment of not thinking of how others feel.

I myself think in the opposite and everyone around me comes before me within reason and you know what, I like it that way.  I like to give, I like to help and the rewards of doing just that make it so wonderful to live each day in thought of giving.

I have learned that insecurity = selfish, it is a mechanism of protection so that one does not get hurt, she has shrouded herself well in the guise of insecurity and I can only hope that she receives the support she needs to move beyond it.  Selfish people end of lonely......